guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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