I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
did i walk over a car last night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
