Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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