That's intense
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
