You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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