my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
