Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
