i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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