Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
