how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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