just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
