There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
