Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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