I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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