Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
