I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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