hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
