My liver just broke up with me...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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