He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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