So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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