You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
