how do flat chested girls get laid?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
