There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize