Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
