smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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