you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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