One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
