i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
