Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
