lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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