i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
