I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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