If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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