im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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