loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
