Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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