Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize