walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Shame is for Republicans.
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