He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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