$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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