fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
