you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
