I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
