I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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