I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
