I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
