yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
