I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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