I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
