Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The Olympian is in my bed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
