Do you still have your period?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
