I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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