You don't have asthma, your pregnant
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
