Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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