her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
