Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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