someone get that fucking seahorse.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
