I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
