Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
