Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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