Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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