I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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