I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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