New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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