last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
