my shit smells like andre
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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