Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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