That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
